Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Today's Name: Cleaning the Soul

Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness. -Allen Ginsberg

Raoul Dufy said, "My eyes were made to erase all that is ugly." When looking at my life I see how I used to be more like that. When I was younger... like thirteen or fourteen I was into some dark stuff. I was depressed, suicidal at times, but a bright person to others. I used to go into a mIRC channel called #Suicide and I was the upbeat one. I could comfort and support others. Others who were deaply damaged and needed a friend. I would always be the one to chear up others and try to help in any way I could. My parents wrote in my senior year book that I should always remember I have the ability to make a difference to people's lives and to never forget that. I think I did for a while. I get caught up with the daily crap that I forget the big picture. Lately I've been overwelmed by the cleaning and cooking (Or lack there of). I feel like it's on me. My kids drive me nuts some days and I know that's ok. But other times it's not. I am a little lost in the sea of things.

Jaimie called me last night and wanted me to know that I am one of her best friends and that she is very glad I am part of her life. I was touched because I don't really have friends. I mean I do. But not close ones. Jaimie I could and would tell anything to. To me she is my best friend. She is an open, adventureous, couragous person, with a huge heart. I hope she see's some of the same qualities in me. Her friendship alone makes me want to stay in the area and not move far away. She's that kind of friend to me.

Both kids are sleeping at the same screaming involved in the mater. The silence is beautiful.

No comments:

Post a Comment