Friday, May 15, 2009

Today's Name: Strawberry Pancake Day

I made the best Strawberry Pancakes with Whipped Cream for lunch today. It made the whole day better.

Daily Soul Vitamin:
As one gets older one sees many more paths that could be taken. Artist sense within their own work that kind of swelling of possibilities, which may seem a freedom or a confusion. - Jasper Johns
(Sometimes it feels like I only see this when looking back, not looking forward.)

Journal Juju:

"....We're not in Kansas anymore,".... I'm not young in some ways anymore. I'm past the age of being a teen, of being things I once saw myself as. I was a sexy, hot, attractive, women. Not that I am still not some of those things. It's just when I married my husband I was in a place that I was like the sex pot. I was flirty and a sex kitten as it was. I found salvation in my sexuality. When did that stop? Even when I am horny I have to talk myself into having sex. Before I would jump at the chance. I am at an age where I can't be the youngest. I can't be the single girl (Both because I am married and have kids and that I am just not that person). I can't be the freshmen. I've done all my firsts. First Kiss, Sex, Marriage, Kids, House. OK so I haven't taken my first trip abroad. But really that isn't going to happen any time soon.

In terms of places I no longer want to be.... I don't want to be in dept. I don't want the stress of never feeling like enough. I want a life that I can be creative and funny and light heart-ed and I've lost connection with that part of me. That is what I miss the most. My light heart. When did it get so heavy? I haven't painted in months. I haven't done anything artistic in months. I am envious of an artist I recently was introduced to. How nice to have a living made by doing something creative. I was taken aback by my own feelings towards her. She didn't do anything wrong. She just does what I wish I could. Instead of being the inquisitive supportive women I hoped I would be I felt resentment and depression. I think I need some changes.

My Mom and Sister are coming tomorrow! I miss them so much! I can't wait!

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