Today's Name: Semi Friday!

Though it's only Tuesday, Chris has tomorrow off for Canada Day and that means I have a day off for Canada day! It means I get to sleep in, and not be the only one responsible for the kids! Can you tell I am excited about it?

Yesterday was spent dealing with a sick Liam. He ended up running a fever (at it's highest 103.2 f) and tossing his cookies several times. He seems to be better today but that was hectic. Jack is now fighting going down for a nap though he is totally warn out. Some weeks just don't start out the best. I am happy to just have gotten some of my baking done that I wanted to. Used all the sugar which now that I think of it isn't a good thing in some ways. Oh well!

Today's Journal Juju should be based on this: "Don't be afraid to feel as angry or as loving as you can, because when you feel nothing, it's just death." (Lena Horne) I am assigned the mission of letting my feelings amplify and let it out in my journal. I don't know if I am ready to face that. I think I have been feeling a lot of different emotions as of late. Many that circle around figuring out what I want. I mean...when I tell people what I do, it's that I am a stay at home mom. Which yes is wondering and such but then I am asked what will I do when my kids go to school. Like I have any clue?! My mother in law thinks I have a talent for interior design which is nice to hear but not so easy to get into. I used to be good at helping people, I haven't in a long time. Not that it is a bad thing, I put myself out there a little too much sometimes in the past. I am tempted to say -used- to be creative and artistic. I am know I still am in some ways.... I just haven't tapped into it for a while. I feel disconnected. Lately I have been playing Sim's 3. Which I can't say is the best way to escape reality. Lets make up a pretend family (that somehow happens to be how I wish mine was a little more) and then make them do all the things you wish you actually did! Coming back from that can be a downer. I know I get caught up in the daily grind of things. That the house overwhelms me some days, the cleaning, the cooking if I do it, the bills, the kids, the toys, the expectations. Of course I always ask myself where the expectations come from. That I can't always tell. Is it just what I think people expect of me or is it actually what people expect from me? The always internal question of "Am I enough?".

As I get to the end of June in my handy dandy book of ideas and insights into life... I come across this...

It's halfway though the year, take a moment to reflect and answer these questions.

What were your highlights?
Having my Mom and Sister visit. My family doesn't come this way very often. It's nice to have them see how I live.

What things are you glad you did?
Glad we re-did the kitchen, glad I got my drivers licence...

What worked for you?
Don't know per say...

What small moments brought you delight?
Anything with the kids. Them playing so well together, smiling, getting their teeth (Jack mostly since Liam has his).

What made you laugh?
Liam and Jack tend to make me laugh a lot. Chris too.


Who did you connect with?
Jaimie and girls of the women's group. I think that has been the best thing to happen to me so far this year. I enjoy spending time with all of them. It has brought me great pleasure and unexpected benefits.

Where did you leave your glasses?
The reading ones who knows! I know where my beautiful new sassy glasses are though!

And these questions are for the rest of the year:
In what small way can I pay attention to small delights?
Maybe it's not small, but to try to be more active in the moment. I disconnect sometimes.

How can I be a little kinder to myself?
I need to work on this... how is another question.

Can I give myself permission to have more fun and less pressure?
I hope I can.

How can I remember to sing in the shower?
I already do some days.